We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
