white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
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His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
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I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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