To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
