If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Found your dick twin last night
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Your penis caused this!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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