so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
