She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
