im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
