You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
