Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
