I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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