she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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