i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
