Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
the condom got lost in my hair
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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