i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
