if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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