note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
