you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
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