So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
