The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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