Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
