so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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