just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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