Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
