I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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