god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
