There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize