I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
ugly people sure do ruin things
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
