he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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