there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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