I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
