I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
