you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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