from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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