Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
