I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
