I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
