we have officially mastered the walk of shame
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
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I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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