so let's talk penis.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
