i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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