i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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