everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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