20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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