I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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