Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
