and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
