I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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