Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
