I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My bed smells like the plague
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