I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
