What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
