I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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