D3 body, D1 cock
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
