she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
