I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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