The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
