I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
