First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
