You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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