Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
