Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
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