and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
