She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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