You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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