He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
