So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
