I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
