My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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