Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
