Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
