Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize