I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
