i was born a porn star she said
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Just high enough for therapy.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
