I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
