he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So gin and wine won't be happening again
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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