maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
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and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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