Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
