I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Floor bacon is actually really good
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
