I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
